Never Say Never Again (1983) -- Unofficial

While not one of the worst Bond films, Never Say Never Again isn't that much further from the bottom. An unofficial Bond film put out by Warner Brothers with Sean Connery against the rival, legitimate Roger Moore film Octopussy from United Artists in 1983, Never Say Never Again is essentially a knock-off and remake of the earlier Bond film (also starring Connery) Thunderball. The movie, sadly, falls into an uninspiring heap.

The plot involves SPECTRE stealing two nuclear warheads and then holding NATO blackmail for 25% of each member country's annual oil purchases. On going, I assume. Since this is completely out of the question, the only options are to either steal back, destroy, or otherwise neutralize the bombs or have SPECTRE make good on its threat and cause them to explode.

Sean Connery is looking a little gray to be playing 007 in this one. Other than that, he is the shinning star of an otherwise mediocre movie. Kim Bassinger plays Domino, the love interest of the SPECTRE villain in charge of the plot (incorrectly named #1 when he should be #2, but hey), Maximilian Largo. Mr. Bean even makes an appearance in the movie, as a bumbling bureaucrat in the Bahamas. There is also a guy from Q branch, but they don't call him "Q" and they give all manner of jabs at the gizmos he produces, making it sound like they backfire all the time instead of actually save Bond's kiester. Another recurring theme is Old Guard vs. New Blood, and how the free world is now being run by bumbling bureaucrats who believe in parsnip tea and massage therapy instead of the common sense approach of vodka martinis and storming the trenches of real heroes. The Q branch character even makes a comment, "Now that you're back, I hope we're going to have some gratuitous sex and violence."

At the end of the movie, Bond retires with Domino, while MI6 is begging to have him back on duty. Sigh. This movie isn't so bad as it just isn't very good. The magic of James Bond is missing from it. I mean, Connery is still the iconic look of the character, and has the right personality, but the whole mess around him seems detached from the mythos.